The teacher asked the students to bring one elec-
trical appliance for "Show & Tell," and the next
day every kid had something.

The teacher asks Wendy: What did you bring? "I
brought a Walkman."

"And what is it for?"

"You can listen to music with it!"

"That's nice Wendy. What did you bring Kenny?" "I
brought a 'lectrical can opener, it opens cans!"
"Well done, Kenny. Umm, Johnny, I see you didn't
bring anything!" "Yes, I did. It's in the hall."

So the entire class goes into the hallway.

"Umm, Johnny, what is that?"

"It's a heart / lung machine hospitals use to keep
your heart going."

"Whoa. What did your father say about you bringing
this?"

"He said, 'AAAARRRGGGH!!!'"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


------------------------------------------------------


The following are the new Windows messages that are under consideration
for
the next version.

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

Press any key to continue, or any other key to quit.

Press any key except ... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!

Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.

Close your eyes and press escape three times.

Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"

This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."

To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."

BREAKFAST.SYS halted ... Cereal port not responding.

COFFEE.SYS missing ... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.

CONGRESS.SYS corrupted ... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)

File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)

User Error: Replace user.

Windows VirusScan 1.0 - Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)

Welcome to Microsoft's World -- Your Mortgage is Past Due.

Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have
been
deleted. The police are on the way.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aggravated wife to husband who's hiding behind the newspaper: "You can
stop
saying, 'Uh-huh.' I stopped talking an hour ago."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



----OOPS

A photographer for CNN was assigned to cover southern
California's wildfires last year. He wanted pictures of the heroic
work the
:firefighters were doing as they battled the blazes. When the
:photographer arrived on the scene, he realized that the smoke
Was so thick it would seriously impede, or even make it impossible for
Him to get good photographs from the ground level. He requested
Permission from his boss to rent a plane and take photos from th air.

His request was approved and he used his cell phone to call
The local county airport to charter a flight. He was told a single
Engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
:
:Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a
:hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and
Shouted,:Let's go!"
:
:The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and roared
Down the :runway Once in the air, the photographer asked, "Can you fly
Over the valley and make two or three low passes so I can take some
Pictures of the fires on the hillsides?"
:
:"Why?" asked the pilot.
:
:"Because I'm a photographer for CNN," he responded, "and, I
Need to get some good close-up shots."
:
:The pilot was strangely silent for amoment. Finally he
Stammered, "So, you're telling me you're not the flight instructor?"





A blonde and her husband are laying in bed watching TV, an old western
is
on. The husband says to his wife, "I bet you breakfast in bed that the
covered wagon hits a rock and the driver falls out dead,"

"You're on," returned his wife. They watch the western and sure
enough
the wagon hits a rock in the dirt road and the driver falls out of the
wagon ... dead. The wife gets out of bed and returns shortly with a tray
of
food.

After eating the husband says, "I have to admit that I saw this movie
before."

She in turn confesses, "I saw the movie before too. But I didn't
think
he was stupid enough to ride over the same rock twice...."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a
hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new
technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a
large,
intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would
I
hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said.

"So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine."

:o)

A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of
people
outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was
there.

A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died."

"Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends."

"Nope," said the farmer, "we all just want to buy his mule."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Another month ends ...


* All Targets Met
* All Systems Working
* All Customers Satisfied
* All Staff Eager and Enthusiastic
* All Pigs Fed and Ready to Fly

:-))