People wonder why Call center ppl r paid so
much.............for just being
on the phone.....?
Take a look:
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open
Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a
pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you
have done up until this
point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I
wrote 'click'."
************************************************************************
Customer: "I received the software update you sent,
but I am still getting
the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to
get it to work?"
************************************************************************
Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft
Word."
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me
what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and
Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."

**********************************************************************
Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your
software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$



**********************************************************************
Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of
the screen, can you see
the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from
there?"
**********************************************************************
Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."

**********************************************************************
Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"
**********************************************************************
Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate
telephone line?"
Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our
service)
Tech Support:: "Well then we can't-"
Customer:: "It says 'no dial tone'."
Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line
with me right now. You
need to-"
Customer:: "No, that's not it. It does this all the
time. I just have to
try a few times, and it will let me through."
Tech Support:: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to
dial right now because
you're on the
phone with me."
Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."

**********************************************************************
Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me
at the grocery store."

**********************************************************************
Tech Support:: "What operating system are you
running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
**********************************************************************
Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an
illegal abortion."
**********************************************************************
Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
**********************************************************************
Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
**********************************************************************

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently
need to print
document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system
disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a
floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's
someone called Intel
inside."

**********************************************************************
Tech.: What is Speed of Your processor.
Customer: 40GB...........
**********************************************************************
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a
problem. We're open 24
hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

**********************************************************************
Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
**********************************************************************
A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support
to report that his
computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup
files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need
to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to
change the startup and
it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to
tell me the command. 10
minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is
right. The tech is
frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our
customers this, but there is
an undocumented DOS command that will fix the
problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end
of the CONFIG.SYS.
Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still
smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS
didn't come with NO
SMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch
that will give you the
file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what
you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power
supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't
compatible with NO SMOKE