Good Ones

A pessimist mourns the future.

"A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes." --Robert Frost

People complain most about things over which they have no control.

Beware of buying anything when the manuals are bigger than the equipment.

Nothing is as good as it seems beforehand.

Calories are delicious.

The colder the X-ray table the more of you has to be on it.

An object in motion will always be moving in the wrong direction.

If you want to make people angry, lie. If you want to make them livid, tell the truth.

There is something wrong if you're always right.

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

People are like tea bags - You never know their strength until they get into hot water.

The easiest crops to grow are weeds and pests.

If you do nothing, nothing will happen. If you do something, something will happen but not necessarily what you intended.

All's war in love and fairness.

Before having a midlife crisis, it's good to have a life.

Life is like snow: you don't know when it will come or how long it will last or how much you will get.

For every reason there is for doing something, there are three for not doing it.

A public telephone is never being used until you have an emergency.

Integrity is like oxygen. The higher you go the less there is.

There's more to life than increasing its speed.

Some is good; more is better; too much is just right.

Life is a do-it-yourself project.

The person who buys the most raffle tickets has the least chance of winning.

Good parking places are always on the other side of the street.

Consistency isn't always good especially if you're consistently wrong.

Whenever you need something you can't find it, if you don't need it it's all over.

It isn't the principle of the thing, it's the money.

When you have a pain someplace, everyone will hit you on that spot.

When you try to be sophisticated something will happen to make you look bad.

Never remember what you can afford to forget.