Banaras

Jul 28, 2004 - 22 Photos

Email myths!!!

Thanks to so many of you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

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My thanks also to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open, for the same reason.

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I no longer have any money at all, but that will all change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates of Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

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I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

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I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387th time.

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I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

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I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

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Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it is so harmful, it can remove toilet stains.

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I no longer can buy gasoline without taking another person along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

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I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

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I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

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And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

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I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

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I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

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I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

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I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

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I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

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Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

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Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

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And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

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Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

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If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Watch and Learn: The 10 Greatest Business Movies You've Never Seen

1. The Apartment (1960)
Jack Lemmon is a nebbishy company man who will do anything for a promotion-including supplying his bachelor pad to the philandering men who run the corporation. As the key to his apartment becomes the key to his success, Lemmon's character is bemired in an ethical quandary involving the company Christmas party, an office with his name on the door, and a sweet elevator girl played by Shirley MacLaine. A great flick for anyone seeking a clever way to keep his job in this unpredictable economy.

2. Desk Set (1957)
The opening credits announce that the filmmakers "gratefully acknowledge the cooperation and assistance of the International Business Machines Corporation." You soon see why: A media company is installing room-size computers to assist its research and payroll departments. Spencer Tracy is the IBM transition guy in charge of Katharine Hepburn's research department, where she and her "girls" are in a tizzy over being replaced by a machine-which today, incidentally, would be known as Google.

3. Dodsworth (1936)
Motor company tycoon Samuel Dodsworth has just retired, and he's ready to enjoy life. His wife is gamboling around Europe, and Sam does his best to join in. But Dodsworth finds the transition from powerful boss to man of leisure awkward and uneasy-after pouring himself into his work for so long, even his wealth doesn't save him from feeling like a lifetime prisoner who can't hack it on the outside. In the title role, Walter Huston gives a knockout performance from which the current flock of CEOs turned outcasts could learn a lot.

4. The Efficiency Expert (1991)
In this quirky Australian film, Anthony Hopkins plays a taciturn consultant hired to "modernize" a moccasin company. But his all-business measures don't jibe with the employees, a tight-knit, slightly loony, set-in-their-ways clan. When he erects partitions between the seamstresses to prevent them from gossiping all day, they just smile and take them down. Russell Crowe has a small part as a smarmy up-and-comer bent on importing slippers from Japan. A weird, highly enjoyable movie about the value of loyal employees.

5. Executive Suite (1954)
What happens when the president of a major corporation drops dead? A flock of underlings jockey for the job in a pyrotechnic power struggle. The setting is a furniture company's mahogany-paneled front office, teeming with egos, stock scams, blackmailers, backstabbers, love affairs, and a corporate femme fatale-the founder's daughter and a major shareholder who was sleeping with the deceased. In the end, it's nothing more than good, juicy fun, and nobody's 401(k) gets hurt.

6. Fitzcarraldo (1982)
The most successful businesspeople are obsessive about everything they do. Fitzcarraldo dreams of building an opera house in the jungles of South America. The story of his quest to make a fortune in the rubber business (to fund the opera house) is a portrait of a businessman to be admired from afar, not to be employed by: His madman scheme involves a spectacular attempt to drag a giant steamboat over a mountain to reach an unharvested forest.

7. The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit (1956)
Gregory Peck has a lot on his mind-a promotion to a powerful and high-paying executive position, a hysterical wife, a lovechild in Italy from an affair during the war. The new job means more time away from his family, but they aren't much fun anyway. Still, he grapples with the question of how much of his life to give to his work. The film stands up well at a time when companies are breaking a sweat trying to appear flexible and family-friendly.

8. Other People's Money (1991)
"I love money more than the things it buys," squeals the unctuous corporate raider Lawrence "Larry the Liquidator" Garfield, played by Danny DeVito. Larry targets a small New England manufacturing company run by a grandfatherly Gregory Peck. As Larry unapologetically lusts after a sweet deal, Peck's stepdaughter/ lawyer hisses, "In 10 years, they'll be studying you at the Wharton School. They'll call it the Garfield Era and rinse their mouths out when they leave the room." Ten years from now they'll call it the Enron Era. No, the WorldCom Era. Or the Arthur Andersen Era. The Martha Era has a nice ring . . .

9. Save the Tiger (1973)
Lemmon nabbed the Oscar for Best Actor this time (beating Brando, Nicholson, Pacino, and Redford) for his portrayal of Harry Stoner, the down-and-out owner of a clothing factory. In this 36-hour snapshot of his life, Harry arranges for an arsonist to burn down his factory for insurance money, hires strippers to entertain his clients, and picks up a horny flower child. A depressing but ultimately uplifting account of a businessman being asphyxiated by the life he chose for himself.

10. Silkwood (1983)
Based on the story of Karen Silkwood, a lab analyst and union activist at the Kerr-McGee plutonium processing plant, who died in 1974. Believing that company negligence was endangering the lives of employees and clients-alleged corporate misbehavior that makes the recent wave of accounting scandals look like child's play-Silkwood set out to blow the whistle to a New York Times reporter. On her way to the rendezvous, she perished in a mysterious one-car accident. Meryl Streep uses equal parts naïveté and indignation in one of her greatest and least heralded

Dear Terrorist,

Even if you are not reading this we don't care. Time and again you tried to disturb us and disrupt our life - killing innocent civilians by planting bombs in trains, buses and cars. You have tried hard to bring death and destruction, cause panic and fear and create communal disharmony but everytime you were disgustingly unsuccessful. Do you know how we pass our
life in Mumbai? How much it takes for us to earn that single rupee? If you wanted to give us a shock then we are sorry to say that you failed miserably in your ulterior motives. Better look elsewere, not here.
We are not Hindus and Muslims or Gujaratis and Marathis or Punjabis and Bengaliies. Nor do we distinguish ourselves as owners or workers, govt. employees or private employees. WE ARE MUMBAIKERS and Indians (Bombay-ites,if you like). We will not allow you to disrupt our life like this. On the last few occassions when you struck (including the 7 deadly blasts in a single day killing over 250 people and injuring 500+ in 1993), we went to work next day in full strength. This time we cleared everything within a few hours and were back to normal - the vendors placing their next order, businessmen finalizing the next deals and the office workers rushing to catch the next train. (Yes the same train you targetted)
Fathom this: Within 3 hours of the blasts, long queues of blood donating volunteers were seen outside various hospital, where most of the injured were admitted. By 12 midnight, the hospital had to issue a notification that blood banks were full and they didn't require any more blood. The next day, attendance at schools and office was close to 100%, trains & buses were packed to the brim, the crowds were back.
The city has simply dusted itself off and moved one - perhaps with greater vigour. We are Mumbaikers(Indians) and we live like brothers in times like this. So, do not dare to threaten us with your crackers. The spirit of Mumbai(India)is very strong and can not be harmed.

With Love,
From the people of Mumbai (Bombay) and India

World eBookFair

World's first Online Book Fair has started yesterday (4 th July 06). This book fair will be going on for a month. Website claims there are 1/3 million e-books available for free access / download. Those of you, who are interested in readership, can make use of the opportunity.

http://worldebookfair.com/

World eBook Library Catalogs and Collections The World eBook Library Consortia Collection shelves more than 330,000 PDF eBooks in 100+ languages contained in 112 of the finest eBook and eDocument collections published on the Internet today. The mission of the World eBook Library's Acquisition Department is to add new eBooks 24/7 to our shelves.
For Technical E-Books, go to

http://worldebookfair.com/Technical_eBook_Colleciton.htm

Y WERE U SLEEPIN ON D JOB

Sleeping On the Job
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time
management course you sent me to.

I was working smarter - not harder.

Whew! I must have left the top off the whiteout.

I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and
envisioning a new paradigm!

This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!

I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.

I'm in the management training program.

I'm actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP). I
learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.

This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about
work!

I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related
stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?

Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to
our biggest problem.

The coffee machine is broken....

Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot.

Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off.

Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!

I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my
hands.

The mail courier flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to
avoid getting shot.

Geez, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day.

If you find it very boring in the office, here are some tips:

1. Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.
2. Make blank calls to your Boss.
3. Send mails from lotus notes (outlook) to your internet mail (and immediately get to the internet and see who reaches first, you or your mail?) and read them there, and note down the time they take to reach there. Then do vice versa............. !!
4. Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else's chair just to irritate him/her.
5. Count your fingers (and toes if you still get bored).
6. Watch other people changing their facial ex-pressions while working and try changing your ex-pressions also.
7. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, just by asking silly doubts.
8. Make faces at strangers in office.
9. Have a two hour lunch; it's a big social occasion.
10. Learn to whistle.
11. Revise last week's newspaper.
12. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.
13. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
14. Compile "How to waste your day"
15. Pick up phone and dial non-existing nos.
16. Have work breaks in between tea.
17. Count maximum no of applications your computer can open at time.
18. For Win NT/95 users....Move things to Recycle bin and restore them..Then repeat this process.
19. Look at someone & try to imagine how(s) he might have looked when(s) he was 5 years old.
20. Read jokes and send jokes.
21. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided and take a nap.

Tongue Twister

A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk
the skunk stunk.

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. Did Peter Piper pick a
peck of pickled peppers? If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled
peppers, where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

Betty Botter had some butter, But," she said, "this butter's bitter. If
I bake this bitter butter, it would make my batter bitter. But a bit of
better
butter-- that would make my batter better." So she bought a bit of
butter, better than her bitter butter, and she baked it in her batter,
and the batter was not bitter. So it was better Betty Botter bought a
bit of better butter.

Six thick thistle sticks. Six thick thistles stick.

A big black bug bit a big black bear, made the big black bear bleed
blood.

The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.

Pope Sixtus VI's six texts.

She sells sea shells by the sea shore. The shells she sells are surely
seashells. So if she sells shells on the seashore, I'm sure she sells
seashore shells.

Surely Sylvia swims!" shrieked Sammy, surprised. Someone should show
Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink."

Shy Shelly says she shall sew sheets.

Sam's shop stocks short spotted socks.

A flea and a fly flew up in a flue. Said the flea, "Let us fly!" Said
the fly, "Let us flee!" So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

Which wristwatches are Swiss wristwatches?

Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.

A bitter biting bittern Bit a better brother bittern, And the bitter
better bittern Bit the bitter biter back. And the bitter bittern,
bitten, By the better bitten bittern, Said "I'm a bitter biter bit,
alack!"

Mr. See owned a saw. And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed
Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore. Had Soar seen
See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed
Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw. But it was sad to see
Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw!

The boot black bought the black boot back.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
He would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as
a woodchuck would if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

We surely shall see the sun shine soon.

Which witch wished which wicked wish?

Silly Sally swiftly shooed seven silly sheep. The seven silly sheep
Silly Sally shooed shilly-shallied south. These sheep shouldn't sleep in
a shack; sheep should sleep in a shed.

If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?

Give papa a cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.

Six sharp smart sharks.

What a shame such a shapely sash should such shabby stitches show.

Sure the ship's shipshape, sir.

Don't pamper damp scamp tramps that camp under ramp lamps.

I'm not a pheasant plucker I'm a pheasant plucker's son I'm only
plucking pheasants Till a pheasant plucker comes.

"Watch out! You nearly broad-sided that car!" My father yelled at me.
Can't you do anything right?" Those words hurt worse than blows. I
turned my head toward the elderly man in the seat beside me,
daring me to challenge him. A lump rose in my throat as I averted my
eyes. I wasn't prepared for another battle.



"I saw the car, Dad. Please don't yell at me when I'm driving." My
voice was measured and steady, sounding far calmer than I really felt.
Dad glared at me, then turned away and settled back.



At home I left Dad in front of the television and went outside to
collect
my thoughts. Dark, heavy clouds hung in the air with a promise of rain.
The rumble of distant thunder seemed to echo my inner turmoil. What
could I do about him?



Dad had been a lumberjack in Washington and Oregon. He had
enjoyed being outdoors and had reveled in pitting his strength against
the forces of nature. He had entered grueling lumberjack competitions,
and had placed often. The shelves in his house were filled with
trophies that attested to his prowess.



The years marched on relentlessly. The first time he couldn't lift a
heavy log, he joked about it; but later that same day I saw him outside
alone, straining to lift it. He became irritable whenever anyone teased
him about his advancing age, or when he couldn't do something he
had done as a younger man.



Four days after his sixty-seventh birthday, he had a heart attack. An
ambulance sped him to the hospital while a paramedic administered
CPR to keep blood and oxygen flowing. At the hospital, Dad was
rushed into an operating room. He was lucky; he survived.



But something inside Dad died. His zest for life was gone. He
obstinately refused to follow doctor's orders. Suggestions and offers
of help were turned aside with sarcasm and insults. The number of
visitors thinned, and then finally stopped altogether. Dad was left
alone.



My husband, Dick, and I asked Dad to come live with us on our
small farm. We hoped the fresh air and rustic atmosphere would help
him adjust. Within a week after he moved in, I regretted the invitation.

It seemed nothing was satisfactory. He criticized everything I did. I
became frustrated and moody. Soon I was taking my pent-up anger
out on Dick. We began to bicker and argue. Alarmed, Dick sought
out our pastor and explained the situation. The clergyman set up
weekly counseling appointments for us. At the close of each
session he prayed, asking God to soothe Dad's troubled mind. But
the months wore on and God was silent.



A raindrop struck my cheek. I looked up into the gray sky.
Somewhere up there was "God." Although I believe a Supreme
Being had created the universe. I had difficulty believing that God
cared about the tiny human being on this earth. I was tired of waiting
for a God who didn't answer. Something had to be done and it was up
to me to do it.



The next day I sat down with the phone book and methodically called
each of the mental health clinics listed in the Yellow Pages. I
explained
my problem to each of the sympathetic voices that answered. In vain.
Just when I was giving up hope, one of the voices suddenly exclaimed,
"I just read something that might help you! Let me go get the article."
I
listened as she read. The article described a remarkable study done at
a nursing home. All of the patients were under treatment for chronic
depression. Yet their attitudes had improved dramatically when they were

given responsibility for a dog.



I drove to the animal shelter that afternoon. After I filled out a
questionnaire, a uniformed officer led me to the kennels. The odor of
disinfectant stung my nostrils as I moved down the row of pens. Each
contained five to seven dogs. Long-haired dogs, curly-haired dogs, black

dogs, spotted dogs - all jumped up, trying to reach me. I studied each
one
but rejected one after the other for various reasons - too big, too
small,
too much hair. As I neared the last pen a dog in the shadows of the far
corner struggled to his feet, walked to the front of the run and sat
down.



It was a pointer, one of the dog world's aristocrats. But this was a
caricature of the breed. Years had etched his face and muzzle with
shades of gray. His hipbones jutted out in lopsided triangles. But it
was
his eyes that caught and held my attention. Calm and clear, they beheld
me unwaveringly.



I pointed to the dog. "Can you tell me about him?" The officer looked,
then shook his head in puzzlement. "He's a funny one. Appeared out of
nowhere and sat in front of the gate. We brought him in, figuring
someone
would be right down to claim him. That was two weeks ago and we've
heard nothing. His time is up tomorrow." He gestured helplessly. As the
words sank in I turned to the man in horror. "You mean you're going to
kill him?"



"Mam," he said gently, "that's our policy. We don't have room for every
unclaimed dog." I looked at the pointer again. The calm brown eyes
awaited my decision. "I'll take him," I said.



I drove home with the dog on the front seat beside me. When I reached
the house I honked the horn twice. I was helping my prize out of the
car
when Dad shuffled onto the front porch. "Ta-da! Look what I got for you,

Dad!" I said excitedly. Dad looked, then wrinkled his face in disgust.
"If I
had wanted a dog I would have gotten one. And I would have picked
out a better specimen than that bag of bones. Keep it! I don't want it"
Dad waved his arm scornfully and turned back toward the house. Anger
rose inside me. It squeezed together my throat muscles and pounded into
my temples. "You'd better get used to him, Dad. He's staying!"



Dad ignored me. "Did you hear me, Dad?" I screamed. At those words
Dad whirled angrily, his hands clenched at his sides, his eyes narrowed
and blazing with hate.



We stood glaring at each other like duelists, when suddenly the pointer
pulled free from my grasp. He wobbled toward my dad and sat down in
front of him. Then slowly, carefully, he raised his paw. Dad's lower jaw

trembled as he stared at the uplifted paw. Confusion replaced the anger
in his eyes. The pointer waited patiently. Then Dad was on his knees
hugging the animal.



It was the beginning of a warm and intimate friendship. Dad named the
pointer Cheyenne. Together he and Cheyenne explored the community.
They spent long hours walking down dusty lanes. They spent reflective
moments on the banks of streams, angling for tasty trout. They even
started to attend Sunday services together, Dad sitting in a pew and
Cheyenne lying quietly at his feet.



Dad and Cheyenne were inseparable throughout the next three years.
Dad's bitterness faded, and he and Cheyenne made many friends. Then
late one night I was startled to feel Cheyenne's cold nose burrowing
through our bed covers. He had never before come into our bedroom at
night. I woke Dick, put on my robe and ran into my father's room. Dad
lay in his bed, his face serene. But his spirit had left quietly
sometime
during the night.



Two days later my shock and grief deepened when I discovered
Cheyenne lying dead beside Dad's bed. I wrapped his still form in the
rag rug he had slept on. As Dick and I buried him near a favorite
fishing hole, I silently thanked the dog for the help he had given me in

restoring Dad's peace of mind.



Th e morning of Dad's funeral dawned overcast and dreary. This day
looks like the way I feel, I thought, as I walked down the aisle to the
pews reserved for family. I was surprised to see the many friends Dad
and Cheyenne had made filling the church. The pastor began his
eulogy. It was a tribute to both Dad and the dog that had changed his
life. And then the pastor turned to Hebrews 13:2. "Be not forgetful to
entertain strangers." I've often thanked God for sending that angel,"
he said.



For me, the past dropped into place, completing a puzzle that I had
not seen before: the sympathetic voice that had just read the right
article... Cheyenne's unexpected appearance at the animal shelter.
His calm acceptance and complete devotion to my father. . .and the
proximity of their deaths. And suddenly I understood.



I knew that God had answered my prayers after all

People wonder why Call center ppl r paid so
much.............for just being
on the phone.....?
Take a look:
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open
Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a
pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you
have done up until this
point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I
wrote 'click'."
************************************************************************
Customer: "I received the software update you sent,
but I am still getting
the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to
get it to work?"
************************************************************************
Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft
Word."
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me
what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and
Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."

**********************************************************************
Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your
software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$



**********************************************************************
Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of
the screen, can you see
the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from
there?"
**********************************************************************
Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."

**********************************************************************
Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"
**********************************************************************
Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate
telephone line?"
Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our
service)
Tech Support:: "Well then we can't-"
Customer:: "It says 'no dial tone'."
Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line
with me right now. You
need to-"
Customer:: "No, that's not it. It does this all the
time. I just have to
try a few times, and it will let me through."
Tech Support:: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to
dial right now because
you're on the
phone with me."
Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."

**********************************************************************
Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me
at the grocery store."

**********************************************************************
Tech Support:: "What operating system are you
running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
**********************************************************************
Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an
illegal abortion."
**********************************************************************
Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
**********************************************************************
Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
**********************************************************************

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently
need to print
document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system
disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a
floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's
someone called Intel
inside."

**********************************************************************
Tech.: What is Speed of Your processor.
Customer: 40GB...........
**********************************************************************
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a
problem. We're open 24
hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

**********************************************************************
Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
**********************************************************************
A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support
to report that his
computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup
files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need
to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to
change the startup and
it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to
tell me the command. 10
minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is
right. The tech is
frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our
customers this, but there is
an undocumented DOS command that will fix the
problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end
of the CONFIG.SYS.
Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still
smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS
didn't come with NO
SMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch
that will give you the
file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what
you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power
supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't
compatible with NO SMOKE

New style of writing a love letter :

My dear FAIR and LOVELY (ek chand ka tukda) , after WIPRO (Applying Thought) so much, I dare to say that you are my TVS SCOOTY (First love) and my AIWA (Pure passion). I always BPL (Believe in the best) and you are SANSUI (Better than the best). You are DOMINO'S PIZZA (Delivering a million smiles) for me. This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (Seriously fresh) feeling for me.

I want you to be my life partner but I think you are worried about your father who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (The Unshakable) and my father who is CEAT (Born Tough) but don't worry as I am also FORD ICON (The Josh Machine) and rest of our family members are KELVINATORS (The Coolest ones).

If they say no, we will run away and marry and PHILIPS (Let's Make Things Better). They will feel MIRINDA (Zor ka jhatka dhire se lage) but I believe in COCA COLA (Jo chahe ho jaye) . For our marriage SAMSUNG DIGITALL (Everyone's Invited) and after marriage we'll be WHIRLPOOL (U and ME - The World's best homemakers)

Trust in God who's always NOKIA (Connecting people) who love each other. And we are WILLS (Made for each other). Now that HYUNDAI (we are listening) the song of love, you must know that love is DAIRY MILK (Real taste of life), SATYAM ONLINE (Fun, Fast, Easy) and PARX (Always Comfortable). So never forget me. Ok bye!

I wrote little but PEPSI (Yeh dil mange more).

LG (Digitally Yours)!!!!!